Mommy Confessions

These confessions are in no particular order of juiciness.  It's more of a stream of conscienceness really.

• I would watch Olivia, The Backyardigans, and Handy Manny even if Gavin was asleep.
• Some days a bath for Mommy just doesn't happen.
• Gavin gets his teeth brushed once daily.  That one session is a battle, so twice a day right now is just too much of a struggle (for everyone involved).
• I take naps.  I don't set out to, but sometimes it just happens.  I don't get much sympathy from my husband if I jokingly inform him that I missed mine that day, but seriously--my job will leave a person wiped OUT.
• I can count on one hand the times that I've let Gavin "cry it out" or be put in bed "drowsy but awake."  Oh well.  He's a darn sound sleeper now and I'm confident that I haven't screwed him up so badly that he'll call me from college and ask me to come help him get to sleep for the night.
• I lose my cool sometimes.
• The 5 Second Rule is valid in our house.
• Gavin watches more TV than the AAP recommends I'm sure.  Yes, it occupies him long enough for me to get a load of laundry going, catch up on business emails, get dinner prepped, etc.  He is not glued to the tube hours on end however, is limited to age-appropriate programming, and most of the time we are watching together and I'm asking questions and labeling as we view.
• I've been known to lock the bathroom door (with a not-so-thrilled toddler on the other side) just for 3 undisturbed minutes to remove my make-up (on the days I have a reason to wear any) and wash my face.  Washing my face is my favorite end-of-the-day ritual.  Seriously, it's the best.
• I have an unwavering love for, and devotion to the two guys that live under this roof with me.  I am blessed beyond measure and sometimes have to just pinch myself.  Is this really my life?

Look at that, Gavin feel asleep on my lap and The Backyardigans is on!  "Yeti, yeti, yeti. yetiiiiiii!"

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On any given day

~Walking in to a smiling little one just waking amid a pile of stuffed Backyardigans, reaching out for "my Mama."
~Waffles, bananas and Oswald--still in our P.J.s and not ashamed.  If we're still in our P.J.'s by Yo Gabba Gabba somedays it's okay too.
~Snuggles, play, chasing, building, scribbling, riding the Mama horse, drumming, and dancing.  Some "no's", lots of hugs and even more "Mama's."
~Holding hands on cue during the blessing and prayer times, and sometimes hearing an emphatic "A-meh!"
~Snuggling for nap time on the couch.  Here's Mama's time to be "productive"--some days I am, some days it just feels right to join in for a much needed snooze.  He's not gonna go for this snuggling with Mama routine for very long.
~Trips to the park, the library, the grocery store.  These experiences can sometimes be truly that...an "experience."  Lots of complements and smiles for my beaming boy.
~Happily greeting Daddy or when visiting Grandparents arrive at the back door.  There's nothing on Earth like that smile--it's like daily manna.
~Family dinners.  A rare, but absolutely necessary experience for any spiritually and emotionally healthy family.
~Bath time.  An absolute treat to experience with that kid--he adores water play.  Just the mention of "B.A.T.H." sends him straight to the tub without prodding.
~Evening play time.  We're all so tired by now, but the togetherness can't be beat.  More snuggles, chasing, playing guitar and drums, and tons of kisses for Mama and Daddy.
~Winding down for the evening can be a mixed bag of frustration and eventual relief, but I can lay the day to rest with an assurance that I am indeed doing what is best for my family.

I've met opposition about my choices in career path and parenting, but feel very strongly that this is just what works for us (that is a whole other entry in itself, but I don't think I will ever pen that one).  Teaching private lessons from home two afternoons a week, helping with the business Chris started, "home-making," and spending the majority of my time raising my child is so much more enjoyable to me than spending each day under the rule of the Department of Education.

It ain't always paradise (and what job is), but it is unbelievably fulfilling.

Bedtime routine--well it's a routine for us.

I know, I know--I've been doing it all wrong.  Don't I know I should put my toddler in the bed "drowsy, but awake" so that he learns to fall asleep on his own.  Every night, no matter how hectic the evening's activities, should predictably include a calming bath, an educational read, followed by the little one happily laying down in his bed and cooperatively drifting off to dream land.  No fight, no tears, no discussion.  Yeah, well we tried that (for awhile) and just decided to take another route when bedtime rolls around.

Yes, he gets read to.  Plenty actually.  In fact, tonight he came at me with a Dr. Seuss classic, a smile, and what had to be his special way of saying "read this to me please Mama."  Those "at least twenty minutes a day" don't have to happen right before bed, when he'd rather be spinning in circles in the middle of the family room burning off that last gallon of fuel before sputtering out for the night.  As for bath time, depending on the family schedule, it doesn't happen every single night.  Now on evenings like this one, which involved outdoor play with Daddy during my piano lessons and marinara sauce at dinner, the need for clean is a no-brainer.  I use the lavender scented stuff, but I swear it has never put him in an uber-relaxed state, ready to just pass right out in the crib.  Bath time is a hoot (though not especially calming), especially considering he knows all, and I mean ALL, his parts.  You name it, he can find it.  He's also totally intrigued by the properties of liquids at this stage in his development too--that kid adores the water.

So, how does he go to bed then, if I don't put him down on those cold sheets awake, at exactly the same time every night, locking the door behind me with no intention to re-enter for exactly 11 hours, no matter how much he cries, unless the house is on fire?  Well, after many distraught, and tear-filled (for Mama and baby) months of trying it our way, his way, their way, my way...I finally went with my way.  When he starts rubbing his eyes, and stumbling over his own feet (which on most "regular," uneventful nights is about 7:30 p.m.) I calmly scoop him up in my arms, find wherever he left Lovey Bear and grab him too.  Perhaps he's still holding on to a favorite bath toy--sure squirty puffer fish can cuddle too.  We snuggle into our usual position on the couch--a throwback to our days as a nursing couple (hard to believe he's been drifting off to sleep sans that evening ritual for 2 1/2 months now).  Lately, it's been The Backyardigans or Monty Python's Flying Circus that we tune into (yeah yeah, but it's not T.V. that rots their brains, it's lack of parental discretion and guided viewing) and after about 5-10 minutes of some wriggling and protesting on tougher nights, he'll close his eyes and turn himself so he's chest to chest with me in a cradle hold, like he is now, and remain asleep until morning.

Are there some nights after hard fought and tiring days, that I wish I could just lay him in his crib, cover him up, give him a kiss and close the door?  Sure, but most nights I'll hold him for a while before putting him in his crib even after he's drifted off, because it's not often that he's ever this still during the day.  His constant clinginess to me has finally passed--partly relieved and partly sad over this.  I know plenty who'll say I'm crazy, that I'm only making it harder on myself later on, but I know this season is going to fly by (so much of it already has), and I firmly believe that high school Gavin will happily find his own way to bed, though a bit later than 8 p.m., without the assistance of his Mom.  He'll probably be able to bathe himself and pick out his own books too if we're lucky.    

Rookie blogger...look out!

So, tomorrow I will blog--for now I'll try sleep.  How I can claim to be so tech savvy and never have blogged.  I only hope I can scare up something relevant and compelling to write about (otherwise it would just be um, Facebook right?)  If not, I wasted a good hour or so picking out a background for a page that only me and my Mom will read.  Well then, "I shall say good night till it be morrow."